This weeks reading from the book Culture in Special Education was very eye opening. I have been on the parent side of the IEP table and have felt what this weeks chapter described. Just going into the room knowing that they have all already talked about my child (and possibly me) made me uncomfortable. It felt as though they all looked at each other as my child and I walked into the room. The meetings became so negative at times that my mother, who sometimes attended with me, suggested that my son be removed from the meeting because it was obviously upsetting him. In fact on more then one occasion my son left these meetings defeated and in tears. I felt powerless. They held all the cards. They know the laws. I should trust them. I now find it hard to trust any teacher where my own children are concerned. As a co worker I have no problem communicating with teachers. Some of my closest friends are teachers. As a parent I find it hard to communicate with teachers. I feel like they are blaming me or my child for the current problem. I also know that parents have little input into he official IEP. No one talks to the parent before he meeting. Yes, the parent signs the necessary forms, but no one asks what they want on the IEP. The IEP is written before the meeting with the parents even happens.

How can we fix this? First, we need to build relationships between parents and teachers. Phone calls home, e-mails and letters should be happening on a constant bases. If the teaching staff knows the family and the family has learned to trust the teaching staff the adversarial feeling of meetings should decrease. Second, a small pre-meeting between the parent and the special education teacher may help the parent feel more at ease and included. No decisions need to be made, but a conversation with just one person on the teaching staff might allow the parent to open up more and make their input more valuable. Third, parents need to feel heard. This is their most prized possession. They know the child better then anyone. Fourth,the meetings need to be positive and solution oriented. Don't make a criticism unless you have a solution. No one wants to sit in a meeting and listen to people go on and on about had badly their child is doing and then be left with no answers on how the child will be helped. One last thought, we need to build trust. Both parents and professionals have lost the ability to trust one another. We are on the same side. We all want the students to succeed. It's time we start building positive relationships so that our children can have a brighter future.