Well the 2009-200 school year is behind me and what a year it was. I moved to the sixth grade wing as we moved the children on IEP's into general education classes. Our whole district is moving to the RTI modal. This means that all kids will be taught by content area teachers with the support of special education teachers and educational assistants. I will say that the six grade teachers at my school are some of the best teachers I have ever seen. Their compassion and dedication shows in the success of their students. These teachers have not ever really work with assistant, but they treated us with respect and kindness the entire year. At times they even solicited our opinions and ideas. At my school we level the kids, low middle and high. They all learn from the same curriculum, but at different speeds and depths. Our state test scores in math and reading comprehension showed improvement, as did he scored for reading fluency. Overall this was a good year at my school.

Across town, at another middle school, my son struggled. Although the test score at that school were also up, my son did not meet for the first time in math. He also had a hard time with behaviors. Both schools are using RTI modals and both schools are showing academic growth. My concern is in the way behaviors are handled. At my school we spend a lot of time talking to the kids. We try to save punishment for things that matter. When a child does receive a punishment we move on. I find my son's school overly punitive. He got in a fight and got suspended. OK, I get that. I even supported it because he needed to change his behavior. But that wasn't the end. Because of this one fight he had to miss the end of the year field trip which was four weeks down the line.I feel like he was double punished for I incident and it left him feeling badly about himself. That wasn't the only problem with the sixth grade. There were teacher who didn't understand hi, a 504 plan that wasn't followed and a band teacher with medical problems who missed large chunks of school. Overall I would have to say the sixth grade was not a good year for my son, but it is over now and we are hoping for a better seventh grade.

I can't believe it has been four weeks sense I have written in this blog. So many things I should have written on, but didn't. Last night was the first summer class for my masters program. It seems that there is going to be a lot of work. I really enjoyed the class and look forward to spending my summer with the other people in my co-hort. My favorite part of the class was a video about learning disabilities. The video was made by F. A. T. City and stars Richard D Lavoie. The video depicts Richard leading a workshop about kids with learning disabilities. The members of the workshop include many different professionals and even a couple of kids, one who has a learning disability. The main reason I liked the video was because for the first time I felt like someone understood what it feels like to have a learning disability. The group had fun, but I believe they really got a good look at how it feels to have a learning disability. The pacing, the pressure, the processing and the anxiety these people felt in the workshop is how it really feels to a child with learning disabilities. Although I have the opportunity to work with some great teachers, I have also seen teachers who still believe that children need to be pushed harder. Many people still believe learning disabilities are just an excuse for poor work and laziness. Kids with mild learning disabilities such as dyslexia are still falling through the cracks. We don't have the money or services to give them the extra help they need, but we expect them to preform at the level of the peers who don't have any disabilities. We tell them to work harder and to focus more, but they are working their hardest and are trying to focus. Helping people understand learning disabilities is my passion. I am hoping that once I have my masters degree I can start making a difference for LD kids by educating teacher.

Last night, in class we had an amazing speaker, Marry Mim. Marry is a lady in her fifties who is autistic. She was so insightful and inspiring. The thing that struck me as most outstanding was her ability to always be self evaluating and adjusting. All people can learn from that. We all need to be checking in with ourselves making sure we are succeeding to the best of our abilities. When something happens in life you have to look at what role you played. Was that the best I could do? Will I do it differently next time? Children with disabilities need to be taught how to be like this. They need to be taught how to look at themselves, evaluate how things are going and then make adjustments. They need to know that they have the potential to succeed. They need to get to know themselves, their strengths and their weaknesses. When I am a teacher I want to spend time having the kids get to know themselves. They need to know about their disability and how it affects them. They need to find out about other people with same disability. They need to see people who have disabilities and are successful.

Something I read today talked about people reaching their potential and being upwardly mobile. I believe all people should have the opportunity to dream and reach for their goals. I also think that those dreams and goals should be decided by the individual. Society tells us we should all want to go to college and become bankers or doctors. Not only do we not all have to potential to become bankers or doctors, some people don't want to. I know some really great people who never went to college and are truck drivers or construction workers. We need to remember that all jobs in our society are important and that people are not completely defined by what they do for a living. With children in special education (all children actually) we need to look at the individual child. They come from families with a value system that needs to be honored. They have gifts that need to be emphasized and limits that need to be considered. We need to provide an education that pushes a child, in the direction the child wants to go, without frustrating them. Education is not a one size fits all situation and we can not make blanket generalizations. Two children with the same disabilities will take two different paths in this life and it is our job as the special educator to help those children find their way along those paths.

I went to the Sprout Film Festival at the Hult Center tonight. Sprout films are films about and or by people with developmental disabilities. These films included music videos,, short documentaries and short narratives. All the roles for people with disabilities are played by people who have disabilities. That's what makes the movies so amazing, people representing their minority in a world where they have not been allowed. Major movies about people with developmental disabilities use actors who are not disabled. I never thought about how that would make people feel. Why not find actors who actually have the disabilities. I can't play a man anymore then I can play someone with a disability. I could try, but I would be faking. No one can under or portray something they haven't experienced. One movie that really touched me was called Sidecar. This was a documentary about a young women Lindsley who has childhood arthritis and a young man Justin, with autism. They become good friends because they both love art. Their story is told by the Lindsley. She uses the sidecar of a motorcycle as a metaphor for their disabilities. The disabilities are a part of who they are. Not the main part just a side part. The sidecar doesn't change the motorcycle it adds to it, make is wider. With the sidecar attached the motor cycle can't do through narrow tunnels. It can still get to anyplace but it has to avoid narrow spots. The Lindsley is very stiff, but she still loves to paint. She loves the relationship she has with the Justin and she loved his art. His art is sell for between 3000 and 5000 dollars. Another movie that I really liked was called Be My Brother. This movie is about a you man with down syndrome, his brother and a pretty stranger. The actor with down syndrome was wonderful. He had timing, charisma and a great sense of humor. The movie shined a light on the discomfort people have when confronted by someone that is different from ourselves. It also showed how moving beyond that discomfort can bring great enjoyment. This was a great experience and I would recommend people attend next year. It is a great way to show people's abilities rather then their disabilities.

Inclusion and My Dream Classroom

Oh my gosh. So much to think about. Where to start. Well I guess I will start with inclusion. I know the goal is to have all kids in general education all the time. I see the wisdom in this, in theory, but I also know that kids need to be taught at their own level. I can see how all kids can be together in science and social studies, but I think math and reading need to be taught to mastery. You can't read fifth grade text until you can read first, second, third and fourth grade text. You can't add, subtract, multiply and divide fractions until you can add, subtract, multiply and divide whole Numbers. Some areas of learning build and if you don't have a solid foundation one must be built. I know that full segregation is wrong too. Students who are with kids who are just like them never get to experience people who are different from them. General ed kids don't learn to appreciate the depths and insights found in children with learning disabilities. Kids with disabilities miss out on learning social cues and mannerisms. I also believe that content area teachers are experts in their content area and special education teachers are experts about learning disabilities. It is important that the two groups of teachers share ideas and philosophies. I have a vision of a learning centre. A place where students come and go all day long. Kids who need support in certain areas will come in for support. There will be space for sensory and behavior breaks. Book club, math clubs and other clubs will meet there the read and talk about ideas. Students will tutor other students. Teachers will meet to talk about student progress and plan interventions. Kids will move into gen ed classes when they can and come to us for support. Parents will feel free to call or come by to talk to staff. There will bee computers for kids to work on. There will be audio books for kids to listen to. All kids will feel safe to learn from their prospective, at their pace and level. Teachers and students all working together toward one goal. Happier, healthier well adjusted kids. When I become a teacher I want to create a center like the one in my dream. I want all kids to grow, academically, to their highest possible potential. I want families and staff to enjoy working together. I believe with the right people leading this is all possible. After all I am in graduate school at 49 so anything is possible..

Attendance is a real problem for some families. Children can't learn if they don't come to school and some families just don't get how important that learning is. We have to come up with a plan that not only the children buy into ,but also the parents. We send out threatening letters, make them go to court, have them pay fines and still they do not or can not get their kids to school. In some situations the problem is actually the parent. They don't want to get up so the child doesn't get up either. Sometimes the parents wants the child's company or maybe they need the child to babysit a younger sibling. When it's the parents fault It makes sense to make them pay a fine. It doesn't always work, but we have to do something. In other families the parent wants the Chilean to go to school but the child refuses. Sometimes the parent even drops the child at the school and still the child doesn't o into the building and go to class. In these classes fining the parents doesn't do any good at all. They already want their child at school. Sens the fines don't seem to be working what can we do. One idea I had was parenting classes. If we can provide parents with some knowledge and tools maybe they will be more capable and willing to get their kids to school. We also need to start asking why kids don't want to be there and work on helping them be more motivated. They have to understand how important an education is. They also have to feel safe and cared for at school. Finding something that actually draws then to school may also help. It seems to be a pattern that has to bee broken. We have a little guy who use to miss at least one, usually two or three, day a week. We would talk to him and bribe him and beg him to come, but he still missed school consistently.All of the sudden, for reasons we can't explain, he started coming everyday. First it was one whole week. Then it was two whole weeks. He just finish his forth whole week with out missing a single day. We praised him every step of the way, but I don't think that is why he is attending. I think he is attending because he is starting to see how successful he can be. His work is all caught up and his grades are great. he tells me how smart he is. he is coming to school for himself and I wish I could figure out how to make other kids feel the same way.

I have a twelve year old son, Kees, who has been struggling in math this year. They have been working with fractions and although he gets most of the problem right he often forgets to simplify the answer. He has gotten a D or an F on every test so far this year. Last week they took test A for the current unit and he got a 69%. Two days later they had a chance to improve their grade by taking test B for the same unit. The morning of the second test we were talking at breakfast and he was telling me about the test. He explained how he always forgets to reduce his answers and ends up getting a bad grade. I took his hand and wrote reduce on the back of it. He found this to be very funny. I worried a little because I thought the teacher might see this as cheating, but it was fine and he ended up getting an 89% on the second test. Today we were talking about the test and he told me that he never even looked at his hand. It wasn't the actual word written on his hand that helped him remember to reduce it was the fun we had writing it. Kids remember and learn things better when they are enjoying themselves. If we can take some of the pressure off of learning kids will learn more and retain it longer. Last year I ask a couple of kids in my reading group what they liked about school. They both said they didn't really like anything about it. I asked them when they last liked school and why. They told me kindergarten because they got to play games. I was surprised, these were sixth grade students and they hadn't liked school sense kindergarten. They told me that if we played more games they would like it more, try harder and learn more. When I am a teacher I want my students to have fun and enjoy school. I think kids who are relaxed and happy learn better. Thanks Kees for reminding me about the importance of having fun while learning.

This weeks reading from the book Culture in Special Education was very eye opening. I have been on the parent side of the IEP table and have felt what this weeks chapter described. Just going into the room knowing that they have all already talked about my child (and possibly me) made me uncomfortable. It felt as though they all looked at each other as my child and I walked into the room. The meetings became so negative at times that my mother, who sometimes attended with me, suggested that my son be removed from the meeting because it was obviously upsetting him. In fact on more then one occasion my son left these meetings defeated and in tears. I felt powerless. They held all the cards. They know the laws. I should trust them. I now find it hard to trust any teacher where my own children are concerned. As a co worker I have no problem communicating with teachers. Some of my closest friends are teachers. As a parent I find it hard to communicate with teachers. I feel like they are blaming me or my child for the current problem. I also know that parents have little input into he official IEP. No one talks to the parent before he meeting. Yes, the parent signs the necessary forms, but no one asks what they want on the IEP. The IEP is written before the meeting with the parents even happens.

How can we fix this? First, we need to build relationships between parents and teachers. Phone calls home, e-mails and letters should be happening on a constant bases. If the teaching staff knows the family and the family has learned to trust the teaching staff the adversarial feeling of meetings should decrease. Second, a small pre-meeting between the parent and the special education teacher may help the parent feel more at ease and included. No decisions need to be made, but a conversation with just one person on the teaching staff might allow the parent to open up more and make their input more valuable. Third, parents need to feel heard. This is their most prized possession. They know the child better then anyone. Fourth,the meetings need to be positive and solution oriented. Don't make a criticism unless you have a solution. No one wants to sit in a meeting and listen to people go on and on about had badly their child is doing and then be left with no answers on how the child will be helped. One last thought, we need to build trust. Both parents and professionals have lost the ability to trust one another. We are on the same side. We all want the students to succeed. It's time we start building positive relationships so that our children can have a brighter future.

I just read four interesting and varying articles for my Foundations class. Reading these articles really makes me think about what I believe and what I have seen already in the schools I have worked in. I do believe that children should attend their neighborhood schools and I also believe they should be in the least restrictive environment . How to make this happen becomes the problem. We have to balance the needs of all the children. If a child causes problems in a school that disrupts or even endangers other children we need to consider how to meet that child's needs without hampering the needs of the other children. That is the hard part. Every child deserves the best education we can give them, but how do we best do that. The government has given us No Child Left Behind. This is suppose to help us identify which schools are making progress and which are not. From my view point all NCLB has done is; stress the teacher, steal instructional time and lower the self esteem of kids who don't pass. It does not help design good curriculum or measure the progress of individual students. What we need the government to do is help with funding. We need good curriculum that has assessments build in. We need testing that shows the students progress and measures each student against themselves. A kind of PR for reading , writing and math. When we get proper curriculum and measurements then we can start meeting the needs of each student, The RTI model helps all kids achieve. It helps us reach kids at their level. It allows us to step in and help a student progress. Then reevaluate the student decide if more help is needed or if the help can be reduced. The best part about this process is that it can be done over and over again as needed.

Today I had a new class called Learning Communities. It was an awesome class with a lot of good discussion about culture, diversity and had they affect learning communities. We started the class by introducing ourselves, telling a story about our name and giving two things we love. For the first time every I admitted that i use to lie about the origin of my name. there was no interesting story about how my name came about, so I would tell people that I was named after the Frankie Avolon Song " Diana".

After everyone was done sharing we started discussing culture in the United States. We talked about how everyone has at least one culture. Sometimes we are a combination of more then one culture. We talked about the importance of knowing the different cultures of the kids we serve in our schools. There was also discussion about diversity. Many people shared their ideas and opinions with fear of judgement. It was a rich open discussion that I feel I am not doing justice to.

The last thing of the day was watching a movie called Prom Night. The movie was about Charalston Mississippi. Untill 2008 Charalston had two proms. A white prom and a black prom. Morgan Freeman came to the school district in 2002 (I think) and offered to pay for one prom if they intergrated. He was turned down. So, again in 2008 he came to back and made the same offer, this time they took him up on the offer. The movie interveiws many of the kids, staff and parents about how they felt about one prom. A group of white familiews refused to let their children go to the prom so they put on a small white only prom. Only thirty-five kids went. Some kids went to both proms. The group of parents against one prom would not talk on camera. They hid behind an attourny. I just can't believe this kind of behavior still exists in our country in the year 2008, probely even 2010.

Had a new class today called Learning Communities. It was taught by a women named . She was an amazing facilitator. First we went around the room, introduced ourselves, told a story about our names an then name3d to things we loved. It was a fun exercise and the first time I admitted to making up a story about my name. My parents just picked my name and I always thought that was boring. So, I would tell people that the named me after the Frankie Avolon song "Diana". Besides admitting to making up lies this exercise was nice because I learned a lot about the people in my cohort.



After everyone had a turn we began to talk about culture and what that means in our society. We talked about how everyone has culture and how different cultures have different idea and belief systems. No one can completely understand how it feels to be different then they are. We can only be open, understanding. We watch a movie called "Prom Night". I is a movie about a town i Mississippi that still had segregated proms in 20008. Morgan Freeman offered to pay for the pro if they integrated. He had offered this once before in 2002 and they turned him down. I just can't believe that anyone anywhere in the US still thinks like this. How can people hurt other people that way. It made me think about being more pro active about how I can help stop prejudice.

First Graduate School Reading

I have been reading the assignments for my Foundations class. Reading to understand is much harder then reading for pleasure. You have to actually think about what the reading means and how it applies to the class you are taking. I found this weeks readings to be very insightful. I loved reading what people had to say about using labels when it comes to learning disabilities. I have such mixed feeling about the use of labels. I think they can help if they are used right but wow can they hurt when they are used wrong. We have to figure out ways to use labels to manage the differences in learning without allowing those labels to limit or hinder these incredible kids. Kids who learn differently have such beautiful minds with such amazing insights. We have to start to embrace the tools that technology has afforded us. We have to find ways to get things like computers into the hands of children with learning disabilities. If a child can learn to compose, edit and rewrite on a computer the fact that their handwriting is painfully slow and hard to read becomes mute. If kids listen to books on cd's or ipod's they will be able to hear stories rich in language and thought. It will ignite their interest in history, science and the arts. These things are just the beginning. With new technologies coming out every day who knows what the future holds. The gap between gifted and learning disabled children closes with each of these new technologies.

The reading from the book was harder to understand. I totally got the part about parents and professionals being adversaries. As a parent, I have sat in many IEP meetings feeling like I was to blame, I was responsible, but I had no say. The book talked a lot about what people think is the cause and how to identify disabilities. There was a lot of discussion about different cultures and beliefs. My question is why does that matter? All kids need to know the things our society deems important. The reason a child can't succeed in school doesn't mater. What matters is how do we get the child to succeed. All kids should have an education plan that helps organize the needs of the child so we can make sure we are helping each child in the manner that works for that child.

Metaphor for education. I knew right away what I was going to use.....a dog sled team. The teacher is the driver and the kids are the dogs. There are so many ways this metaphor works. The drive is the guide guiding the dogs through different Terran, weather and assorted situations. The dogs have to trust the driver or they will not give their best performance. The driver has to trust the dogs to allow them the freedom the run. The dogs have to be properly cared for. They need the right kind and amount of food. They need to get the right amount of rest balanced with the right amount of exercise. The dogs have to work as a team. Each dog has a job and if they don't do it right the team will not preform at it's best level. The driver has to know the dogs completely. They need to know the weaknesses, strengths. personalties and temperament of each dog.They need to be able to tell when a dog is off, not itself. This metaphor can go on and on. I may find that I write about it again in the future, but for now let me end with this.... The driver has the responsibility to get everyone through the race safely and successfully.

Help I have an assignment due on Tuesday and I can't figure it out. Now I know what the kids feel like. In class i thought I understood but now that I am trying to do it I am lost. I just want to do well but I feel like I a failing. I get a metaphor bit I don't know hoe to use the software. I also don't know what they mean by making it flow. Help! Help! Help!

Tonight was my first night of graduate school. It is very scary. I have assignment due next Tuesday and I am very nervous. I also need to try to write in a journal. I am not sure how I am going to do this because I hate writing. I love telling stories, but my dyslexia makes hand writing hard for me. The truth is life is about stretching and growing. I will give journaling a shot because it will help me grow.

So It has been a while sense I wrote in this blog. I have been struggling with my twelve year old son's teacher which had me rethinking going to school. Do I really want to become one of them? The answer is yes. Yes I do. I know that not all teachers are perfect. In fact I have seen some pretty bad ones. Likewise there are some great ones. I want to be a great one while trying to help some not so great ones become better. People need to hear what it is like to be learning disabled. Who better to tell them then some one who is not only learning disabled herself, but who has children with learning disabilities. I can't teach people what it's like to be in a wheel chair, but I can teach people what it is like the feel like the stupidest kid in the room. The kid who makes mistakes when they read out loud and everyone laughs. The kid who tries to explain to a teacher why you didn't understand your homework. Only to be told that you weren't paying attention or you didn't try hard enough. So, I am not sure how far I will get, but I am out to change the world, One not so understanding teacher at a time.

More Background

So to understand where someone is going you have to know something about where they have been. I was born they third of four children of a middle class family in Oregon. My family always says I was the perfect child. I never cried as a baby and as a toddler I would stay where I was put. Because I was so easy, I became the child my dad like to spend time with. My older brother and sister were a little on the defiant side so I just stayed out of the way and tried to stay out of trouble. I started first grade with the hopes of any child, but it didn't take long for me to realize I didn't fit the public school box. I had a hard time learning to read and write. Math was also a problem for me, but the thing that surprise me the most was that I was always getting into trouble. When I didn't understand what the teacher was trying to teach I would ask a neighbor. That would result in me being moved to the hall to work on the assignment I didn't understand. When the teacher wanted to see how much work I had gotten done, she would get more frustrated because I hadn't done anything. Now I would spend my lunch trying to do an assignment that I didn't understand. Of course they blamed me for not understanding. The old saying, "If you would pay attention, you would know what to do" became the mantra of my first grade teacher. Other students seemed to know things I could not grasp. The harder I tried the future I seemed to get behind. I felt like I was trying to swim upstream. I could never catch up. When I look back at my memories of first grade I don't remember the name of my teacher or what she looked like, but I do remember how disappointed she was in me.

Motovation

I have decided to return to school at the age of forty-nine. I graduated from college in 1983, that's 27 years ago. I already feel like I am in over my head. I had to take the GRE this last week. That was the hardest test I have ever taken. How does a test about analogy's tell anyone about my ability to succeed in Graduate School? What makes me a great candidate for Graduate school is the life that I have lived and the experiences I have had.

The motivation to go back to school comes from my children. I have four; three sons 28, 21 and 12 and one daughter 18. I think I will refer to them by number in case I said anything embarrassing about them. I don't want to make them mad. This is my thing not theirs. A little bit about each child. Number one is a child my husband had when we met. He was five and I fell in love with him the day I met him. He has never felt like a step-child to me. School was easy for him and he made us look good. The school he went to thought I was great. I was PTA president and I thought parenting was easy. Number two, my first baby, my dream come true. This child had a harder time in school. He is dyslexic. Because of the dyslexia he had a hard time learning to read and write. He started at the school that loved me and things went quite well. We moved to a new neighborhood and he had to move to a new school for the third grade. This school did not already love us and did not seem to understand his disabilities. They labeled him a behavior problem and that is when I began to see how hard school can be for children with learning disabilities. Child three, my only daughter. This child was a whip, a charm. She had the world by the tail the day she was born. A dad and two older brothers who adored her and gave into her every desire. Good thing school came easy for her. In kindergarten she was the only child in her class who could tie their shoes at health screening. She loved everything abut school and it loved her back. Reading and writing was and still is her strength. Number four, a child born late in my life. This child came into the world four weeks early and with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. They rushed him off because he wasn't breathing and it seemed like a lifetime before we herd his cries from the other room. His dad and I cried with relief and joy and dubbed the child "prince". Four was an easy baby and toddler. He seemed to have a charm similar of his sister. That changed when he entered school. Like most kids kindergarten went fine, but we started seeing signs of dyslexia in the first grade. He had a hard time learning to read and write. We were concerned about the way he held his pencil. This child has an easier disposition then two so I could talk to him about his struggles. He works very hard and wants to do well, but he gets frustrated because teachers don't understand his struggles. Today he said to me, " For teachers to like you, you have to morf to be like them and I don't want to do that."



This is where my motivation to return to school comes from......My children!!!!!